Scared
by un-suspecting
Summary: Connor is scared. Scared of his new feelings for his best friend. Scared of his father. And he doesn't know how to not be scared. (Picks up after the episode "The Play", Connor x Jude) *On hiatus because this story is crap but people actually read it so I don't want to delete it*
1. Chapter 1

** A/N: Haii, first Jonnor fic. Don't forget to leave a review :)**

I walk with Callie as quietly and discreetly as I can until we get downstairs. I had been hoping my dad wouldn't figure out I'd snuck out. I'd told him I had a really big test to study for and didn't want to be bothered. So much for _that_. Luckily, he hadn't seen me upstairs.

Callie takes me into the kitchen. "Do you need a ride home?" She asks.

'No, I can walk. It's not too far."

I was embarrassed. No, that was an understatement. I was totally _mortified. _I had just been about to _kiss_ Jude. And Callie walked _right_ in. I didn't think she saw us, but if she did, it didn't seem like she was going to say anything about it.

"You sure? It's not a problem."

I pray my cheeks aren't as red as they feel as I say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

She nods, and she's about to say 'okay', I can see her mouth forming an 'O' shape, but she stops abruptly, and I swear she knows, that she saw. Because she's giving me this puzzled sort of look, and I feel a little ashamed. But why? I _hadn't_ kissed Jude. I shouldn't feel ashamed. But then another thought pops into my head: _but you wanted to._

"Why did you sneak out tonight, Connor?"

And there: I can breathe. She doesn't know. And I _didn't_ want to kiss Jude. I couldn't.

I shrug, telling myself to act normal. "I'm grounded." I lie, hoping it sounds convincing enough.

She looks at me for a second, like maybe she can tell I'm the world's worst liar, and my palms start to sweat.

"Grounded? What for?"

I try to make myself believe her voice isn't really that accusingly, that it's just in my head. "I failed this stupid Math test." I wipe my hands on my jeans and chuckle slightly. "Lame, right? My dad's always getting onto me about my grades. He can be such a hardass."

She looks like she's going to ask another question. but instead she says, "You better get out of here. Don't want your dad to see you."

"Yeah," I force myself to nod and smile. "thanks for making sure he didn't see me."

"Of course."

And then I am out the door, walking as fast as I can, and soon start sprinting. Maybe I can beat my dad home.

* * *

I don't beat my dad home. He's sitting in the living room when I walk in, out of breath.

"Where were you?" And it scares me how eerily calm his voice is.

"Out." I answer simply.

_ "_I stopped by Jude's house. He said you weren't there."

"That's right, I wasn't."

"But you see, I don't know if I believe you, Connor."

My dad stands up from his chair and walks toward me, and then he's standing right in front me. And I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. He knows. He knows I was at Jude's. He saw me. He must have.

"I wasn't, I swear."

I blink up at him, trying not to breathe so hard, not to seem so scared, because why the hell am I scared? He's my _dad._ I shouldn't be scared.

"Then where were you?" He demands.

Why is his voice so harsh? His eyes so cold? Why is he mad at me? But of course I know the answer to that. He thinks I was with Jude, which I was. But I can't tell him that.

"I was at Aaron's house. You know, from soccer." I make my voice sound even, calm. I am not scared. I am not scared of my father.

His eyes narrow a little, and I hold my breathe, willing him to say 'okay' or 'that's fine', but he just looks at me. Searching for any sign that I am lying, and I am nervous. So nervous. Because I _am_ lying, and I swear he can see right through me. And I hate myself. Hate that I disobeyed him, hate that I feel the way I do for my best friend, and hate that I suck at lying.

Finally, he opens his mouth. And I wait for him to accuse me of lying, because he must know it, from the way he is looking at me, but instead he says, "Alright. I'm sure you have some homework to finish?"

"Yes, sir." I nod and hurry up the stairs.

I kick open the door to my bedroom and shut it behind me. Leaning against the door, I let out a shaky breath. I am safe. He believed me. _For now._

* * *

The next day, I get to school early. I stop by my locker to get the things I need for first period, and then I go to Jude's locker. I am disappointed to see that he isn't there, but decide to wait a few minutes for him.

Sure enough, I see Jude rounding the corner a couple minutes later. I smile when he stops beside me. "Hey, Jude."

He gives me a small smile, but there's something off about it. "Hi, Connor."

I instantly frown. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all."

Jude is an even worse liar than me, so it's easy to tell he's lying.

"Jude, I know you're lying. What's wrong?"

"Just...about last night..."

I instantly freeze, my body going completely rigid. He was talking about the almost kiss. Was he suspicious that I said we should go through with it? Does he think I _wanted_ to kiss him? Does he think I _like_ him? _Do _I like him? No, I can't.

"What about last night?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Promise me things won't get weird between us? You're my best friend and I don't want that to change."

"Of course. We will always be best friends."

Too bad things were _already _weird. At least for me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2! I hope you are all looking forward to tonight's episode!**

Later that day, I sit with Jude at our usual lunch table; in the back where it's a little less loud. I eat my turkey sandwich in silence. And it's like that a lot. We don't talk much. just eat and enjoy each other's company. It's nice. I like how it's not awkward at all. Because we have that kind of friendship; where we can be with each other and not talk, and it's not weird. _Friendship, _I remind myself. He is my friend, and that is it.

I feel like my mind is a total whirlpool. I keep flashing back to last night. When I was so close to Jude, so _close_ to kissing him. I could feel the warmth of his body, smell his minty breath. All I could think about was what it would have felt like, to have his lips on mine. I'd never kissed a boy before. When I'd kissed Maddie, it had been my first kiss. I was telling myself over and over: _this is going to be great. You will like this. This is going to be great._ And then she kissed me. It was quick, over before I knew it. But I hated it. It didn't feel great. I didn't like it. The kiss with her friend was much of the same. **(A/N: I don't recall Maddie's friend's name?)**

And then I spun the virtual bottle. It landed on Jude. My heart started to pound and my neck felt hot and my palms itched. I tried to deny the fact that I had secretly been hoping this would happen. "We don't really have to kiss, do we?" I'd asked, wanting the answer to be yes. Needing the answer to be yes. "Those _are_ the rules" was the response I got. I was thrilled on the inside, but I tried to make myself seem uncomfortable on the outside. Jude said, "No, this is stupid". I quickly countered with, "No, let's just do it". Then I started to lean forward, and so did he. His eyes were fluttering shut, his lips slightly parted. Maybe a little hesitant, but also a little optimistic.

_I want to kiss him._

_I don't want to kiss him._

_I want to kiss him._

_I don't want to kiss him._

But then Callie came in and we shot apart from each other as fast as we could. A part of me was angry; angry that she had interrupted us before we could kiss. But I was also a little relieved; relieved that she'd come in before we could kiss. She told me my dad was looking for me. In a daze, I followed her out of the bedroom.

I bring myself back to the present when Jude asks, "Hey, you want to come over this weekend?"

I swallow and answer, "Sure. So you guys didn't get in trouble? With the window breaking?"

"Nah. Brandon said Jesus and him were playing volleyball outside, and the ball had smashed the window. We'd called Wyatt and he had come and glazed it, but apparently hadn't done that good of a job."

I laugh. "And they bought it?"

He smirks at me. "Oh yeah."

"Wait. What about my dad...?" I frown.

"Oh yeah..." He looks disappointed. I hate when he looks disappointed.

"I can just tell him I'm going to someone else's house. I can take my bike too, so he won't have to drive me."

"I don't like the whole sneaking around thing..." He sighs. "But I _do _love hanging out with you, so okay."

* * *

(Flash to this weekend)

I get off my bike and lean it against the door of the garage in the driveway. Then I go up the steps and ring the doorbell.

Lena opens the door for me. "Hi, Connor." She greets me with a heartwarming smile that makes me feel welcome. It's easy to tell she likes me.

"Hi, Mrs. Adams Foster." I say politely.

"Oh, please," She laughs and opens the door wider to let me in, "Call me Lena."

I step inside the house. "Okay. Lena."

I know it should feel weird; calling my assistant principle by her first name, but for some reason it doesn't. It feels normal.

"Jude, Connor's here!" Lena yells up the stairs.

Then she turns around and faces me again. "So, how are you?"

"I'm good." I shrug. It's not like I could tell her how I _really _was.

"That's great."

Jude comes down the stairs and I instantly smile. "Hey, Jude!"

"The Beatles!" Lena grins.

"Mom, _no._" Jude rolls his eyes.

This happened just about every time I came over. It was almost routine. I could tell it annoyed Jude but I found it funny. Since the first time I'd come over, I'd started listening to The Beatles, and came to find that they weren't all that bad.

Lena holds up her hands in surrender. "You know I can't help it."

Jude eventually cracks a small smile, and then says, "Connor, lets go upstairs."

I follow him up to his room.

"Jesus is out somewhere." He says as we enter.

I nod and flop down on his bed. Looking around the room, I notice he has gotten a few new things since the last time I'd been here. A small bookcase is beside his desk, filled with a few books covering only one of the four shelves. A bottle of blue nail polish sits at the end of the stack of books, keeping them in place so they don't fall, as the shelf isn't completely filled. His adoption certificate is hanging in a frame next to the bookshelf. On the wall above his desk is a collage of pictures. They're all of his family; one of him and Stef and Lena on his adoption day, several ones of him and Callie over the years, one of him with Jesus on the couch in the living room with controllers in hand to the playstation, one of him sitting with Brandon on Brandon's bed, one of him with Mariana's arms wrapped around him as they stand on the steps of the stairs, and one of all of them at Mariana's quinceanera. Then I see something tucked behind the desk.

I get up and walk over. I reach behind the desk and pick up two photos.

"Uh..." I hear Jude mumble from behind.

I glance at the pictures before turning to look at Jude. But then I look back at the pictures again. They're of..._me_.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: We only got two little Jonnor scenes but the way Connor looked so upset was heartbreaking. And I watched the sneak peek "Connor's Confession" which gave me a LOT of feels! For those of you who haven't seen it, I won't give you any spoilers. Now here is Chapter 3!**

I remember a couple years ago when all of my guy friends used to tack up pictures of models all over the walls of their bedroom. For some reason like so they could lust over the woman with their beautiful bodies. I never did it. Girls our age also did it; but with pictures of famous boys in boybands. I'd learned over the years from other kids that if you have pictures of other people by themselves, excluding family members, it meant you had a crush on them. You kept pictures of them in your bedroom to fawn over when no one could see you.

Which is why my eyebrows furrow as I look at both of the photos. One is from when my dad had taken Jude and me to the batting cages not too long ago. I held the bat in my hands, posed to hit the ball once it came hurdling towards me. A look of pure concentration and determination on my face. I'd never been too good at baseball but of course it just so happened that baseball was my dad's favorite sport, so I'd been really focused on trying my best to please him. I guess I hadn't been paying attention to anything around me, and Jude had snapped a picture of me.

The second photo is of me on Jude's adoption day. We'd had a fight about Maddie beforehand, which was really stupid. I was pissed when I found out Jude had said yes to the date with her, but not because I liked her, even though that's what I had told him, but because I liked _him._ Realizing how dumb the whole ordeal was, I ended up going to Jude's adoption. I'd fixed my hair and put on a nice shirt. Jude had been thrilled to see me. And I was overjoyed when Jude apologized about Maddie and told me I could go out with her, to which I casually declined; saying that I didn't like her either. It was after the papers were already signed and everyone had gone to the Foster's house to celebrate. I must have been talking to someone, because I was smiling widely, wrinkles around my eyes, caught in the middle of a laugh. But whoever I had been talking to wasn't in the picture.

I turn around to look at Jude for some kind of explanation, the photos still clutched tightly in my hand, and he has this dumbfounded sort of look on his face. His mouth is slightly agape, like he wants to say something but isn't sure what. I stare at him, waiting for him to say something. But he doesn't. He just stands there, looking so..._trapped. Caught._

"W-why..." My voice comes out kind of squeaky, like I'm going through puberty all over again, "do you have pictures of me?"

He blinks and an almost guilty look crosses his face. "I...I have pictures of all my f-favorite people. I mean if you want me to, I can-"

"But why were they _hidden_?" I interrupt him. "And why, unlike all the other pictures, are they _just_ of me?"

Jude coughs awkwardly and stares down at his feet, not answering me.

I'm not sure what to make of the situation at all. What I'd learned from previous friends obviously wasn't the case...or was it? Did maybe...Jude..._like_ me? _No_, I quickly dismiss the thought. It just wasn't possible. But then why did he have those pictures? It just didn't make sense.

"Jude?"

He's still standing by the door so I walk over to him. He tries to back up, to get away from me, but his back is already pressed up against the door. So, he opens the door to leave, to just _walk away from me_. And that shouldn't hurt me as much as it does. I quickly shut the door before he can get out. I hold my palm to the door above his head to keep it closed. I step closer to him. I'm a lot taller than him so it feels like I'm towering over him.

Jude shrinks down and tries to get under my outstretched arm, but I block his way. Because I need to know. Know why he has pictures of me. Need to know if he likes me. Need to know if he likes me the way I like him. Because I _do._ I really, _really _like him. And it feels so good to finally, truthfully, admit it to myself.

"Jude, just tell me." I beg.

"I-I'll throw them away if you want..."

"_No, _Jude," I sigh, "tell me _why _you have them."

I don't think I've ever seen him so..._scared _before. It makes me feel horrible for trapping him in like I am. But what am I _supposed_ to do? Just let him get away? Not mention it again? Pretend like he doesn't have hidden pictures of me?

"I-I can't tell you." He whimpers.

"Why not?" I frown.

Did he not want to tell me because he liked me? Didn't want to freak me out?

"I just can't, okay!" He huffs, annoyed.

"_Jude_."

He refuses to look at me so I ever so gently bring down the hand above his head and trail my fingers along his cheek. He shivers under my touch.

"Look at me, Jude." I plead.

A few seconds pass before he finally looks up at me. "I'm sorry..."

I hate the way his voice sounds so wounded. Because I want to be mad at him. But I can't. The look on his face, and the way his voice sounds, I just can't.

"Please let me go, Connor."

And I do. Because how can I not? He is Jude and by this point I think I would do just about anything he asked me to.

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hope you all liked the last chapter! Here's Chapter 4!**

I stay in Jude's room for a few minutes, before heading downstairs. I look in the living room, but he's not there. Then I look in the kitchen to find Lena there, fixing dinner. She looks up at me as I enter the room.

"Hi, Connor," she chirps, "are you staying for dinner?"

"Where's Jude?" I ask.

Her eyebrows knot together in confusion. "What do you mean? I thought you two were upstairs?"

"We were...but he left. Have you seen him?"

"No, he hasn't come downstairs. Is everything alright?"

No. Things weren't alright at all. Not in the slightest. But yeah, like I was totally going to tell her that. At first, I thought about it. It might feel good to talk to someone about how I was feeling, and how I thought Jude was feeling. But it didn't feel right. It felt...like I would be betraying Jude somehow. I needed to talk to him first.

"Um, we just got into a fight, and he stormed out of his bedroom."

Lena looks concerned as she says, "Oh? Was it serious?"

"N-no, not really. I just need to apologize to him."

She smiles, drying her damp hands on a dish towel and coming to stand by me. She ruffles my hair. "You two have been really good friends for awhile now, I'm sure whatever is wrong, you can fix. Besides, Jude isn't one to hold grudges."

"Thanks, Lena!"

I turn back around and go back up the stairs. He must be somewhere up here. I open the door to Callie's and Mariana's room. And then I see him. He's laying with Callie on her bed, his head in her lap. He immediately bolts upright when he sees me come in.

"Connor." He says.

"Jude, I think we really need to talk." I tell him, shutting the door behind me.

His eyes widen. "No, we don't!" He yelps.

Callie is obviously confused, looking between the both of us like we're sharing an inside joke she doesn't get.

"Jude, we need to talk about this, I can't just pretend I didn't see those pictures. And we need to talk about the other night. I can't just pretend we didn't almost kiss." I huff at him.

"What?!" Callie shrieks. "You guys kissed?!"

"No!" Jude quickly says, almost defensively.

"_Almost_." I add.

"Jude, how could you not have told me!" Callie demands. "Do you _like _Connor?"

Jude instantly pales and I feel bad. I shouldn't have said anything about the kiss, not with Callie in the room. It wasn't fair to tell her, not when we hadn't talked about it together first. I had thought that the almost kiss didn't matter, at least not to Jude, but now I was having second thoughts.

"Callie!" Jude complains.

"Callie, can you give us a minute?"

I can tell she doesn't want to, but she reluctantly nods and leaves the room.

"Connor, what the hell was that?" Jude snaps once Callie's gone.

I flinch, surprised. I had never heard Jude curse before. Or be so harsh to me. But I just shrug. "We need to talk, Jude."

"No, we don't, okay! So what if I have pictures of you! It's not a big deal!"

"Not a big deal?" I laugh bitterly. "If it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't have hid them! Admit it, you didn't want me to know you had pictures of me!"

"I'm not having this conversation!" He yells at me.

"We need to talk about it sooner or later!" I shout back.

"Well then I choose later!"

"Jude-"

"No!" He interrupts me, "Get out of my house!"

"Jude, come on."

He's not serious. He's not bailing out on me _a__gain_.

"I mean it! Get the fuck out of my house!"

I just stand there, stunned. _He'd just dropped the f bomb on me_, I thought. What is going _on _with him?

"Get the fuck out of my house!" He repeats.

I stumble back on unsteady feet and fling the door open, tumbling down the stairs.

"Oh, Connor are you staying for dinner?" I hear Lena say, but I barely pay attention to her.

"I can't, I have to go. Sorry."

* * *

I pedal as fast as I can and I'm home before I know it. I put my bike in the garage and enter the house.

"You have fun at Aaron's?" My dad asks.

"Yeah, but I just remembered I have this History paper due tomorrow." I lie.

"Okay, work on it for a little while and I'll call you down when dinner's ready."

I nod and hurry upstairs to my bedroom. I collapse on my bed with an exasperating sigh. Everything had happened so fast. Jude had been so angry with me. But why? What had I done? Found a couple photos of myself? I still wasn't sure why it was so _bad. _They were just pictures.

I think again about my old guy friends. Talking about how this model was so much hotter than this model, comparing them. I think about Jude looking at the pictures of me. I think about him thinking I was attractive. I think about him lusting over me, wanting me. I think about wanting him too. I think about really kissing him at spin the bottle. Only Maddie and Chelsey aren't with us, we are alone. I think about how good it would feel, to have his lips to mine, his body pressed against mine. It makes me tingle all over. I want him. I want Jude. I want him like I've never wanted anything else before in my life. And I hate that I feel this way.

Suddenly, all I can think about is how my dad thinks Jude is gay. About how he would always make comments to me about homosexuality, and how wrong it was. I think about him telling me I can't hang out with him anymore, because he didn't want Jude "converting" me. If only he knew it was too late.

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here's Chapter 5!**

On Sunday, after church, I tell my dad I'm going to Chelsea's house. He raises his eyebrows and says, "A _girl_?"

"Yes." I nod and smile.

"Do you like this girl?" He asks.

"Yes, I do. And I think she likes me back."

My dad smiles back at me, a proud look on his face. "I am very happy to hear that, son."

"Thanks, so I can go, right?"

"Certainly! You want me to drive you?"

He knows where Jude lives. I can't let him take me.

"No, that's okay, I'll just take my bike. I need the exercise now that soccer's over."

"Okay." He nods, "Have fun."

"Thanks!"

I hurry out the door and grab my bike. I'm there in ten minutes.

This time when I ring the bell it is Callie that opens the door. Her eyes widen slightly when she sees me. "Connor! Jude refuses to tell me what's going on with you two! What _happened_?" She exclaims.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to Jude first."

She steps aside and lets me in the house. "Okay. But first I need you to understand something."

"Sure, what is it?"

"If you ever, _ever, _hurt my little brother I swear to god you will be sorry." She points a finger at me accusingly, a stern look plastered on her face.

"I won't." I promise her.

She smiles warmly. "You really like him, don't you?"

I smile too. "I do."

"You're a really great kid. He's lucky to have you."

"Thanks. I'm lucky to have him too."

"He's upstairs in his room." She nods her head towards the stairs.

"Okay."

I take the steps two at a time. When I fling open the door, Jesus is sitting at his desk looking at his laptop and Jude is sitting on his bed reading. They both look up when I enter the room.

"Connor..." Jude says.

Jesus glances at us. "I guess I should give you two a minute."

"Thanks, Jesus." I say.

He shuts the door behind him and I walk towards Jude. "Hey, Jude."

"The Beatles." He giggles softly and I can't help but smile. He's so adorable.

I take the book from his hands and put it on his desk, then crawl next to him on the bed.

He looks at me shyly. "What did you want?"

"You know what I want, Jude." I say seriously. "To talk."

He looks down at his bedspread. "Connor, I'm really sorry, I-I didn't mean...I didn't want..." He sighs in frustration, not being able to put into words what he wants to say.

"Jude, why did you have those pictures of me hidden?" I ask gently.

"I didn't want you to know I had them...God, I was so embarrassed yesterday."

"It's okay." I reassure him. "But Jude...do you...like me?" I ask, praying I don't sound too hopeful.

"N-no, of course not! I like you as a friend, but that's it!" He chokes out, and I can tell he's lying.

"Jude, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't like me." I say, scooting closer to him.

Hesitantly, he looks up at me. "I...I don't..."

"You can't say it."

"Connor, please stop." He whimpers.

"Look me in the eyes and say you don't like me. Then I'll stop."

"_Connor."_ He whines.

"_Jude_." I counter.

"Don't make me say it."

"If it's the truth then you shouldn't have a problem saying it."

"Why are you doing this? Are you making fun of me?" He frowns.

"No, Jude. I just need to know. Do you like me or not?"

"I...Yes. Yes, okay? Yes. I do. Are you _happy_ now?" He snaps.

"Yes, I am."

Before I can talk myself out of it, I press my lips to his. Jude is surprised at first and almost backs away from me, but he eventually kisses back. After a few seconds he pulls away.

"C-Connor..." He whispers, pressing his fingers to his lips like he's having a hard time believing my lips had just been on his.

"I like you too, Jude." I tell him and kiss him again.

I smile against his lips and my hands automatically go to his waist while his go around my neck. His breath is minty and I love the feel of his soft lips on mine. It's even better than how I imagined it. I start to lean even closer into him and our chests touch. Heat spreads throughout my entire body and I push Jude down until he is laying down on the bed with me on top of him.

We continue to kiss for a few minutes, and it is absolutely amazing. All wet lips and wandering hands. But we don't take it very far. I climb off of him and we both sit up. Jude wipes his lips and smiles widely, and I'm sure my face looks just the same.

I take his hand in mine, entwining our fingers together.

"I-I had no idea you felt the same way..."

"I didn't think you liked me back either. But then I saw those pictures and I kind of figured..."

He laughs. "I'm still embarrassed about that."

"Don't be. I think it's kind of cute." I say and peck him on the lips.

"Um..." His cheeks turn bright red. "Does this mean you're my...boyfriend?"

"I sure hope so."

"Okay, _boyfriend_, do you want to go downstairs and play video games?"

"I'd love to, _boyfriend_."

We both get off the bed and head downstairs and I wonder how I ever thought this was wrong.

* * *

**A/N: They got together, yay! Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow another chapter today! You're welcome!**

It didn't take me long to realize that I was now in a 'secret relationship'. I didn't like the sound of it. I knew I would have to hide my relationship with Jude from my dad if I wanted to keep seeing him, but I didn't really care who else knew. I wasn't sure where Jude was in all of this, so for now I would have to keep quiet. And after all, having a secret boyfriend did have its perks.

The next day I get to school early. I leave a note in Jude's locker telling him to meet me in the supply closet before first period. I go to the bathroom and fix my hair a little before heading to wait in the closet.

When I hear the door open I reach for him in the slight darkness, because even though I turned the light on, I still had a hard time seeing anything. He shuts the door behind him and wraps his arms around my neck as I lock my lips with his. I push him against the wall and he fists his fingers into my hair. "I missed you." I say in between the breaks I take to catch my breath.

"I just saw you yesterday." He laughs.

"I know. I've missed you since then."

I go back to kissing him feverishly. Ever since we shared our first kiss yesterday, it's like I can't stop kissing him. I slip my fingers through the empty belt loops on his jeans as I bite down slightly on his bottom lip. He groans and tugs on my hair, which needless to say, drives me crazy. I don't know why.

We continue to kiss for a little while longer until the first bell rings. We reluctantly pull apart, both of us breathless.

"You go out first. I don't want anyone to know we were both in here." Jude tells me.

I agree, press one last kiss to his lips, and head out the door.

Oh yeah, having a secret boyfriend definitely had its perks. Like getting hot make-out sessions in supply closets.

* * *

I meet Jude at his locker so we can go to lunch together. The hallway is already empty so I give him a kiss in greeting.

"Hi, Connor!" He grins.

"Hey, Jude!"

"The Beatles!" We both say in unison and he giggles.

"God, you're so cute." I tell him and kiss him again.

"So are you." He says.

Then we head to lunch because we've already missed five minutes of our lunch break.

"Do you wanna spend the night tonight? Just tell your dad you're spending the night at someone else's house?" Jude asks me hopefully.

"Well, I'll have to come over when it's still light outside, otherwise he won't let me bike there. But, yeah, I'd love to. Would your moms mind that it's a school night?"

"I don't think so." He shrugs, "Just bring clothes for school."

"Okay, great."

I smile and then start to eat my sandwich. We hadn't had a sleepover in awhile, so I was excited. We don't talk much for the rest of lunch, but we do hold hands under the table the whole time.

* * *

After I finish my homework I pack a bag of pajama's, clothes for school, and my toothpaste and toothbrush.

"Hey dad, I'm gonna sleep at Aaron's tonight." I say.

"You need a ride?" He asks, looking up from the football game he was watching on the tv.

"No thanks, I can take my bike."

"You sure?" His eyebrows furrow. "You've been biking the last two times you were out. And then the time before that you walked. You know I don't mind driving you."

"I know." I shrug. "I just want the exercise."

He looks at me for a few seconds, like he's trying to decide whether he believes me or not, until finally, he says, "Alright. Have fun."

"Thanks, dad! I'll see you tomorrow!"

* * *

It's just starting to get dark when I get to the Foster's house. Jude opens the door. He looks behind him and then gives me a quick kiss before pulling me inside the house.

"Jude! If that's Connor, you boys come in here! Dinner's ready!" I hear Lena say.

Dinner is nice. Everyone talks about their day and there's a lot of laughter. Everyone is together. The complete opposite of my family dinners. We don't even normally eat together. It's just me and my parents. I've always wanted brothers and sisters. I'm suddenly kind of..._jealous_ of Jude. I've always wanted a big family.

Once we're all finished eating Jude and I go up to his room. Jesus agreed to crash in Brandon's room so I could sleep in his bed.

"So." He says once we're alone, and sits down on his bed. "What do you wanna do?"

"I have a few ideas." I tell him with a smirk.

He looks at me confused so I sit down next to him and kiss him.

"Oh." He giggles and blushes. "_That's _what you wanna do."

I kiss his nose. "You're really adorable, you know that?"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

He covers his face in his hands shyly. I slowly bring his hands down from his face and kiss his lips. I scoot closer to him and run my hands down his sides. He falls back onto the bed, bringing me with him. He buries his hands in my hair and I kiss him harder. He moans slightly as I bite his lip. For the first time, he opens up and lets me slip my tongue inside his mouth. My hand starts to go up his shirt and I feel his soft, bare skin.

But again, we don't take it very far. After we brush our teeth and change, Jude crawls into his bed and I lay down on Jesus's. After a few minutes, I whisper, "Jude?"

"Yeah, Connor?" He asks sleepily.

"Can I-can I sleep with you?"

"Um...yeah, sure."

I get up out of Jesus's bed and walk to Jude. He moves over to make room for me and I slip in beside him. He automatically curls up in my side and it isn't even a minute later, I can hear him quietly snoring. I fall asleep with a big smile on my face.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the overwhelming amount of cuteness in the previous chapter :3**

I'd had many sleepovers with Jude but this one was different. This time, I slept with him in his bed. I had my arms around him, felt him sleeping against me. It was the best I'd slept in a long time.

Jude wakes me up by pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I groan and flip over, covering my face with a pillow. You'd think that Jude kissing me would get me right out of bed, but not when I was so tired.

"Connor, if you want hot water you better get in the bathroom now. If you wait much longer everyone else will get in before you!" He takes the pillow and smacks my head with it.

"Hey! What was that for?!" I grunt and sit up, rubbing my eyes.

"Well you wouldn't get up." He laughs.

"Well you could've just kissed me again."

He grins and kisses me again. I run my fingers through his hair. It's wet from the shower he must have just taken.

He pulls away. "Go take your shower." He says. "Hopefully someone else hasn't gotten in yet."

"Thanks, Jude."

"Sure, thing."

Once I get out of the bathroom, I see Mariana waiting outside the door. "Finally!" She exclaims, and hurries into the bathroom.

I chuckle and walk back into Jude's room, a towel wrapped securely around my waist. Jude's sitting on his bed, a book in hand. He looks up at me and smirks.

"I'm extremely glad I waited for you to come back before I got breakfast."

I roll my eyes and walk over to my backpack that stood at the end of the bed. Jude, of course, watches me. I look up, clothes in hand, at him. "Can I help you with something?"

"Oh yeah."

He crawls to the end of the bed and kisses me. The clothes fall from my hand and my hand cups the back of his head while I keep the other hand on my towel so it won't fall. He runs his hands down my bare chest and I groan as he bites my lip. I pull him closer and my other hand slides up his chest. The towel slips slightly and I break the heated kiss so I can fix it, blushing fiercely.

"Uh...I think I should get dressed now..."

I pick my clothes back up. Jude is staring at me, his cheeks slightly tinged pink.

"Sorry...about that..." I say awkwardly.

"_Sorry?_ I'm definitely not sorry your towel started to fall." He chuckles.

I let out a shaky laugh. "Um...can you kind of...not look?" I ask shyly.

"Oh! Yeah, sure..."

He picks his book back up and flips to the page he was on.

I turn away from him and let the towel fall. Then I change into the change of clothes I'd bought. It might've just been my imagination, but I thought I saw Jude peeking a few looks at me.

* * *

Jude and I sit down at our table to eat lunch.

"So, Chelsea asked me out today." I say casually.

He nearly spits out his milk. "She _what_?" He chokes out.

"Yeah. In third period."

"And what did you _say_?"

"No, of course." I reassure him. "You know I like you. I just thought I'd let you know."

"Oh..."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You didn't really think I'd say yes, do you?"

"No...Just...she likes you...like that..."

"I know, but I don't like her like that."

The next few minutes pass in silence until I finally say, "You know...my parents are going on a business trip this weekend. You could come over."

He smiles. "I'd like that."

* * *

The rest of the week goes by quickly. Jude and I meet every morning in the supply closet to make-out. At lunch we hold hands under the table. I'm not sure how long Jude wants to keep our relationship a secret, but sneaking around isn't _totally_ bad.

I open the door for Jude and let him in.

"It's been awhile since I've been here." He says, looking all around the living room like he's never been here before.

"Yeah it has..." I don't mention the fact that it's because my dad won't allow it.

"Hey, let's go video games."

"Okay." He nods and follows me upstairs to my bedroom.

Two hours later, I've beaten him at every race we play on Mario Kart. He throws the controller to the side and huffs angrily.

I can't help but laugh. "Aw Jude if you wanted me to let you win you should've asked!"

"It's not funny, Connor!"

"Actually it kind of is. You're really cute when you're mad."

He cracks a smile. "Okay, I guess it is a little funny I suck this bad. Wanna make it up to me for totally destroying me?"

"Of course."

I set down my controller and lean close to Jude, pressing my lips to his. He leans his head against the foot of my bed and fists his fingers in my hair. A few minutes later he pulls away, breathless. "Can we-can we go to your bed? It'll be more comfortable..." He asks.

I nod and stand up with him. He starts to walk towards my bed but before he can lay down, I push him down myself and climb on top of him, locking our lips together again. His hands go back to my hair and I slip my tongue in his mouth. I run my hands along Jude's sides and he lets out a loud moan. I kiss him harder and my hand starts to go under his shirt. His hips start to buck up, and it drives me completely crazy.

Something about making out with Jude on my bed while my parents aren't home makes me feel dangerously bad. And I love it.

* * *

**A/N: MORE CUTENESS. Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Chapter 8 here we go!**

It had been exactly two weeks since Jude and I started dating. It was going really well. We were still sneaking around, and it was fun and all, but I kind of wished that I could hold his hand in public and kiss him. I hadn't really talked about it to him, I just knew that he wasn't comfortable with people knowing. I respected his wishes of course, I knew he was sometimes bullied at school for wearing nail polish. People already thought that he was gay and if they knew that he really was, it could get worse. But I was his boyfriend. I liked to think that I would be there to protect him.

I decided to talk to Jude about it the next time I went over to his house. He opens the door for me and gives me a quick kiss, making sure first that no one was around to see. I wished he didn't care who saw.

"Hey, Connor." He gives me a smile that just about makes me melt.

"Hey, Jude."

"The Beatles!" I hear Lena say from the kitchen.

"_Mom_." Jude rolls his eyes.

"Lets go upstairs before dinner's ready. Jesus is still at wrestling practice."

I follow him up the stairs and shut his door behind me. He immediately pushes me against the door and kisses me.

"J-Jude..." I breathe out, pulling back.

"What?" He asks, a frown on his face.

I'm not surprised. We usually do this whenever we're alone.

"I think we should talk."

He goes and sits down on his bed. "Okay...what about?"

I sit down next to him. "Why haven't we told anyone about us?" I ask gently.

"Why does anyone need to know?"

"I don't know...So we don't have to keep sneaking around all the time! It's like you're ashamed of me or something!" I huff at him.

"I'm not ashamed of you!" He says defensively.

"Then why do you want to keep it a secret!"

"Because people already make fun of me enough! Why give them another reason to torment me?" He snaps.

I grab his hand and give it a squeeze. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Jude. I promise. You just have to trust me."

"Really?" He asks.

"Really." I reassure him.

"Okay...but what about all your soccer friends? And what about Maddie and Chelsea? They kind of...like us..."

"Who _cares_ what they think, Jude? Because I don't."

"I guess you're right. People are going to think what they want. What about my moms though? I don't exactly think they'll let us hang out in my room alone anymore." He says sadly.

"I'm sure we can find other places to make-out in. You can always come to my house when my parents aren't home. And I'm sure that supply closet is still ours for the taking." I laugh.

He smiles a little, but then it falters as he says, "What do you think my family will think?"

"I'm sure they'll be really supportive." I tell him. After all, he does have two moms.

"Should we-should we go tell them now?" He asks nervously.

"Yeah, lets go."

We get up and walk downstairs. Lena's in the kitchen. We both go and sit down at the table.

"Dinner's not going to be ready for another twenty more minutes. You can go watch tv or something." She says, not looking up from her cooking.

"Okay...but that's not why we're in here..." Jude says shakily. I take his hand under the table.

Lena looks up at us, a worried look on her face. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly." I say.

"Well then what is it?"

"Um..." Jude looks at me for help.

"We have something to tell you." I tell Lena.

"Okay." She nods her head for us to go on.

"Is Stef home? I think we should tell her too."

"Yeah, she's getting changed. She'll be out in a minute."

As if on cue, Stef comes into the kitchen. She sees Jude's nervous face and asks, "What's going on?"

"Jude and Connor have something they want to tell us." Lena says.

Stef goes to stand beside Lena. "What's up, Jude?"

Jude looks at me again. "We..."

I squeeze his hand. Then I bring our entwined fingers out from under the table and hold them up.

His moms eyes widen. "You're dating?!" They squeal excitedly.

I laugh and Jude smiles. "Yes, we are."

"Oh my babies, that's wonderful." Stef comes and engulfs us both in a huge hug. Lena is quick to follow.

"So...you're okay with it?" Jude asks.

"Of course! Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know...I guess I was just expecting the worse."

Stef kisses his head. "We're so proud of you for telling us."

They pull back away from us. "So, how long have you two been together?" Lena asks.

"Two weeks." I say with a big smile, and take Jude's hand again.

"So _that's _why you've been going up to hide out in your room whenever Connor's over." Stef chuckles.

"_Mom_." Jude blushes.

It's adorable, and I kiss his cheek, which makes him blush harder.

"Aw, you guys are so cute!" Lena says.

"_Mom!_" Jude says in embarrassment.

"Well you are! Who else knows?"

"Just you." I say for Jude, who is still as red as a tomato.

"When are you going to tell everyone else?"

"We haven't really decided...but I think soon."

"Thanks for being...so cool about us." Jude stammers out finally.

"Of course!" Stef and Lena say in unison. "You can always talk to us about anything, you know."

"Thanks." I grin.

If only my parents would be this supportive and accepting.

* * *

**A/N: So they told Stef and Lena! Yay! Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Woop woop Chapter 9! **

That night at dinner, Jude announced that I was his boyfriend. To be completely honest, it surprised me. We'd told Stef and Lena about a half hour ago and I didn't think he was ready to let anyone else know. I guess he showed me wrong.

I was shoveling mashed potatoes into my mouth when he says it.

"So, Connor's my boyfriend now."

I sit there in shock, mouth slightly open, offering a view of the food in my mouth. I couldn't help it. I wasn't expecting him to say that. Especially not so casually. Everyone kind of just sits there too, looking between the both of us.

"We've been dating for two weeks now." He continues. "Stef and Lena already know so I thought I'd tell the rest of you."

"Judicorn, that's wonderful!" Mariana squeals.

"Congrats, bro." Jesus grins.

"I'm happy for you two." Brandon nods.

I manage to close my mouth and swallow slowly as Jude looks to Callie. Her eyes are narrowed in an almost angry grimace.

"You've been dating for _two weeks _and you're telling me _now_?" She demands.

Jude's face turns a light shade of pink. "S-sorry, I just...wanted to keep him to myself for a little while." He mumbles nervously. God knows he always views to get Callie's approval.

She grins and walks over to Jude, squeezing him tightly. "Well you could've at least told _me_." She grunts, and tickles him playfully.

"Callie!" He laughs. "You know I don't like it when you tickle me!" He gasps for air.

I smile. He's just too adorable.

"Of course you do!" She chuckles.

Eventually Jude pries her hands away from him. "So...you're not like...mad?" He asks gently.

Her eyebrows narrow. "Why would I be mad? I think Connor's a great kid."

"So...you don't care that I'm...gay..?"

She bursts into a fit of giggles. "Jude, I always knew!"

His eyes widen. "You _did_?"

"I'm your sister! Of course I knew!"

"And you didn't...say anything to me?"

She shrugs. "I was going to wait until you were ready to tell me."

"Thanks, Callie. I love you!" He throws his arms around her and they hug again.

Then she turns to me. "Remember: you hurt my baby brother and you'll regret." She tells me sternly.

I hold my hands up in surrender. "Wouldn't dream of it."

I bring Jude close to me and kiss him.

Everyone cheers and Jude and I both blush.

* * *

Dinner went by great after Jude and I came out to the rest of his family. I was really happy they were all so accepting. It made me kind of jealous. I wasn't sure how my mom would react if I told her, but I knew for sure my dad would most definitely not be accepting at all. I already wasn't supposed to be hanging out with him because my dad thought Jude was gay, and if he knew that I was gay too, well, I could guess it wouldn't end too well.

After dinner we all piled into the living room to watch a movie on Netflix. I sat on the couch next to my boyfriend, my arm around him, and his head laying on my shoulder. Just about everyone made a comment on how cute we were. It made me a little embarrassed but I still liked it. Once the movie was over, my mom picked me up. She didn't know that my dad wasn't letting me come over to the Foster's house. I thought that maybe my mom wouldn't let me come over either if she knew that Jude was gay. But so far she hadn't suspected anything of him, which I was grateful for.

The next morning when I walk quietly into the supply closet Jude is already there. He shuts the door and pushes me against it.

"Hey." He grins, pressing his body to mine.

"Hey yourself." I smile and then his lips are on mine.

As usual he fists his fingers in my hair and I gasp when he bites my bottom lip. Normally I was the first one to get things heated. Not that I minded, of course. I slip my tongue into his mouth, and he lets me do the work. My right hand rests gently on his cheek while the other grabs his hip. He pulls me closer and takes his hands out of my hair and his fingers graze my own hips. He pulls my t-shirt up slightly so he can run his hands along my sides. His fingers are cold against my bare skin and I shiver.

I moan as he grinds up against me. Then I too push his shirt up and press my hands to his bare chest. His chest though, is warm. I rub my hands up and down all over his chest. This drives him crazy and he groans in pleasure.

Before we can do anything more, the first bell rings. We pull away, breathing hard. We straighten our shirts and walk, together, out of the closet. Jude gives me a hesitant look and I raise my eyebrows in question.

"I...I don't care what people think, not anymore."

I smile, and hold my hand out. He takes it and we walk down the hallway holding hands.

* * *

**This was probably the shortest chapter but you got lots of cuteness! Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey sorry guys I've been busy. I know I updated Extraordinarily Ordinary before this...so sorry...ha...ha...ha...I LOVE you guys!**

I knew gay kids got stared at a lot, like people actually thought they were some kind of alien or something. When Jude and I decided to hold hands as we walked down the halls of Anchor Beach, I expected some looks here and there, mixes between shock and disgust, and maybe a few gasps. But I wasn't expecting practically _everyone _to stare at us.

It was starting to make me rather uncomfortable and Jude must have noticed somehow, because he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. At least it makes me feel a little bit better. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, and Jude doesn't seem to be, but there's this tiny bit of worry nagging at me in the back of my head. _What if my dad finds out? What if one of my soccer friends goes home and tells his dad about me and then tells my dad?_

_You're just assuming the worst_, I try to tell myself. And I am, but the possibility of it looms above me like a balloon; if I let my grip falter just one bit, it will fly up and up, out of reach. Just one wrong move and my dad will find out, and then my life will fly up and up above me, my father making my life a living hell. And then I actually _want _to be that balloon. Drifting high in the air with no worries around me. To be _free_.

And the desire to be free, is only slightly fulfilled. Because yes, the whole school knows along with Jude's family, but _my_ family still doesn't know, and that alone makes me feel so trapped, so suffocated, so _scared_, I feel like there's a black hole just waiting to suck me in. It's there and it can happen at any time, like a ticking time bomb with no time limit.

Jude stops at his locker and I stand with him, letting out a shaky breath, not knowing that the whole time I'd been _holding _my breath.

"You okay?" My boyfriend asks me, glancing at me, worry written all over his face.

I consider telling him how I'm feeling, but I don't _want _him to worry more than he already is.

"Yeah." I nod. "It's just a little overwhelming, is all."

"I know. Just ignore them, okay?" He tells me. "Don't let them get to you. They're gonna think what they want to think."

"Yeah...I just..." I heave a long sigh and say, "Nobody's actually _saying _anything, just _staring_. I mean they _know, _everyone saw us holding hands. It's getting me kind of worried, just thinking about what they're thinking."

"The point is." He tells me and gets out the things he needs for class. "We can't undo what we just did, and we can't change what people think. I like you and now everyone knows it. They can love me or hate me for it, I don't care."

I'm almost taken aback. Because this is Jude here. _He's _the one who wanted our relationship to be a secret. And now, it seems, the roles have switched.

"You're so taken with the idea of being out in the open. What changed?"

We start walking to my locker, which is just in the next hall over. He shrugs and says, "I don't know...Maybe it was how my family took the news. How..._accepting _they all were. I mean I know a lot of other people won't react like that, but it was a really nice start for me, y'know?"

"Yeah, I do."

I should feel the same way Jude does. I shouldn't care what people think of us, but that's just the thing. I _do _care what people think. A lot more than I should. I'd always been raised to be the best I could be, anything I did that was less than perfect was frowned upon. I was supposed to act a certain way so people had this certain image of me, that I was this golden boy that did no wrong. I cared what other people thought of me because my parents were the same way and that was just how I had been taught.

I always used to think that I wasn't like my parents, but who was I kidding? _Everyone, _in some way or other, was just like their parents. It was an inevitable because your parents were the ones who raised you, and you can't help but pick up some of their habits. Especially when it's basically force fed to you. But now I was old enough to understand and to _not _be like them. I was old enough to know what was wrong and what was right. I was old enough to know better.

"So do you think you're going to tell your dad anytime soon?" Jude asks as we stop at my locker.

I instantly freeze up and say through gritted teeth, "He won't let me hang out with you _because _you're gay. What do you think he'd do to me if he knew _I _was gay too, and with you? He'd probably think you 'converted' me or something."

A disappointed look falls upon his face. I feel sorry for him, because I too want to come clean, but I can't. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm _really _scared of what my father would do if he knew. And why should I feel that way? He _is _my father.

"Oh...okay." He says dejectedly.

I turn to him and give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry Jude, but now just isn't a good time."

He pulls away from me abruptly. "But _when _will it be a _good time, _Connor?" He sounds annoyed. Really, really annoyed.

But I can't help it. It's not _my _fault I don't have two lesbian moms. It's not _my _fault I have such closed minded parents.

And I hate the fact that I don't have an answer. I hate the fact that I don't know if I can ever come out to my parents.

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Agh I am so excited for tonight's episode! Please enjoy Chapter 11!**

Some say there is a certain pleasure in coming clean about whatever secret you are hiding. For me, it was more a sense of relief. But maybe there wasn't any pleasure because I still had to tell my parents. And then again, telling my parents didn't seem very appealing. Where was the pleasure in having my parents hate me? Because if they knew who I really was, they'd hate me, right?

The relief was very apparent. I was less tense and I smiled more. It was great to hold my boyfriend's hand in public. Everything was going smoothly, that is, until lunch. Jude and I are sitting at our usual table in the back when Maddie and Chelsea come and sit down across from us.

Jude gives me a slightly worried look and he gently takes his hand out of mine. We hadn't planned on what to say to the two girls, because what _could _we say? _Hey, I know you guys like us, but sadly we're gay for each other. _Just how completely shitty did that sound?

They both look upset. It's obvious why. I clear my throat and say, "Hey guys, what's up?"

Chelsea stares down at her hands on her lap, and Maddie says a little too harshly, "Why didn't you guys tell us?"

I falter a bit but I make myself smile. "Tell you what?"

Maddie rolls her eyes. "That you two were..._gay_." She says it like it's a bad thing. And I guess it is, for her at least.

I shrug. "It's not something you just say randomly."

Chelsea looks up, furious. "You could have told us at the party. Before you _kissed _me."

You guys were all into the game, I didn't want to disappoint you. Besides, we were just having fun."

I mentally slap myself. That was by far the shittiest thing I had ever said to anyone.

"_Fun?!_" She spits out. "Clearly it wasn't fun for _you, _because you don't even _like _girls. You don't just kiss someone and then announce to the whole school you really only like kissing boys."

"Chelsea it was a _game_. And I didn't announce it, we just held hands."

"You could've said no, Connor!" She throws her hands up in the air. "And it doesn't matter if you didn't say anything, everyone _knows. _Boys don't hold other boy's hands."

"I didn't ask to play that game, okay? What's the big deal?"

I couldn't believe how much of an ass I was being right now. I knew Chelsea liked me, _I knew it. _What I did to her was unfair, but at the time I was still confused.

"The big deal is that I like you, Connor! And I thought you liked me too!"

I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Chelsea. I really am."

She must understand how truthful I am, because her eyes soften a little. "I know you are. You just shouldn't have done that, okay?"

"To be honest...I didn't even know at the time...I thought I..." I close my eyes. "I thought I liked girls."

She coughs awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Then the conversation is taken over by Maddie, who directs her anger at Jude.

"Well, did _you _know, Jude? Because _you _agreed to go out with me. And _you_ agreed to play spin the bottle."

I open my eyes to see Jude's guilty face. I take his hand again, but it's under the table so the girls won't see it. Funny how we were out in the open about our relationship but we were still hiding.

"I-I called you back and cancelled the date. And I never kissed you."

"That doesn't make it any different! You still led me on! Just like Connor!"

"Hey, I never said I liked Chelsea!" I intervene.

"You had a choice, Connor." Chelsea snaps. "You could've refused to kiss me. Or you could've said you didn't want to play."

"I didn't know, okay!"

I'm starting to get really pissed off. I knew Maddie and Chelsea were mad about what happened, but why couldn't they just let it go? There were plenty other straight guys that would date them.

"I didn't mean to lead you on, Maddie. I'm really sorry."

She gives Jude a curt nod.

"Listen guys, it's fun hanging out with you. We'd like to still be friends..._just _friends."

Maddie gives Chelsea a look and she reluctantly nods her head. Maddie turns to Jude and I. "Okay, friends it is."

Hopefully I won't regret this later.

* * *

Maddie was the one who suggested we go mini golfing. I loved mini golf, but Jude, not so much. But I ended up convincing him to come.

"I've never even played before!" He had whined.

"I'll help you!" I countered.

And okay, maybe it had taken a few kisses to seal the deal, but he eventually agreed to go.

It was about six o'clock on Friday and let's just say I was totally kicking everybody's asses. Maddie and Chelsea were laughing at how bad they sucked, and Jude was a little grumpy because for the life of him he couldn't get the ball in the hole. At one point I went behind him and held the golf club, helping him swing just right. The little ball fell perfectly into the hole. This excited Jude. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was because I was the one positioning his swing just right.

Soon enough he had to go to the bathroom and he asked me if I'd go with him. Once we get into the deserted restroom, I push him against the door and kiss him hard on the mouth.

He pulls back with a gasp. "W-what are you doing?"

"You wanted me to come with you." I say, confused. Didn't he ask for me to come with him so we could be alone for a few minutes?

"So I wouldn't be _alone_." He laughs.

"Wait," I frown, "you actually have to go?"

"Yes!"

"Oh..." My cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

He pecks my lips and then hurries into a stall. I cover my face with my hands even though there's no one to see my red cheeks.

After Jude washes his hands I start to pull open the door, but he shuts it before I can step out. I turn around to face him with a puzzled look. He presses me up against the door and kisses me just like I had minutes before.

"Maddie and Chelsea can wait a few more minutes." He breathes.

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So it took me a long time to get back into the mood for writing. Sorryyyy. Waring: mild sexual scenes below :3**

I guess I didn't exactly expect for things to stay perfect forever. I knew that wasn't the kind of life I had. I just didn't expect for things to go so bad so fast. Maybe I should've been more careful, lord knows just how careless I could be. I had been so careful before, but just when I thought I could finally relax, everything came crashing down. Lets go back to two days ago.

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_(Flashback)_

_I'm lounging in the living room watching tv with a bag of chips and a soda. My parents come out of their bedroom dressed in formal wear._

_"Going somewhere?" I ask, taking my eyes off of the show I was watching. _

_"Your father's boss invited us out for dinner. He's trying to get a promotion so it's really important we impress him." My mother says while adjusting the earring in her ear. _

_"Okay. I hope you get the promotion, dad." I tell him with a smile. In all honesty, I couldn't care less whether he actually got it or not. I know that sounded really bad considering he was dad, but I didn't care. He was a judgmental, close-minded prick. _

_"Thanks, son." He smiles back proudly at me._

_He thinks I'm dating Chelsea. He thinks I'm the perfect son. Smart, athletic, good-looking, and straight. The latter was the only false thing. But he could think what he wanted._

_"We won't be home until late. Don't wait up." My mom chirps and presses a light kiss to my forehead, so she doesn't smudge her lipstick. _

_"Have fun." _

_I pretend to watch tv again but I'm really watching them leave out of the corner of my eye. Once I hear the engine of the car start, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket._

_"Hello?" My boyfriend picks up on the second ring._

_"Hey babe, my parents just left. They won't be back for awhile. Wanna come over?"_

_I can imagine a sly grin on his face as he says, "Of course. Be there in ten."_

_Not much later the doorbell rings. I open the door and Jude comes in._

_"Hi, Connor." He smiles brightly, the way he does every time he sees me, and it feels amazing to know I'm the reason he smiles like that. Not because of anyone else, because of me. _

_"Hi, Jude." I peck his lips and he all but melts into me at the brief contact._

_I pull away and grab his hand. "C'mon." _

_I drag him to the couch and mute the tv. I push him down and climb on top of him. My lips find his again and it's like they never left. I kiss him with a passion that I didn't even know I could ever muster. For the first time, I want to take things farther than we ever have before. Not all the way, of course, because that's the kind of thing we should talk about. Make sure we're prepared and ready, because honestly, we were way too young. But in the heat of moment, we can take things to the next level. _

_I slip my tongue into his mouth and start to move my body against him. He pants the faster I grind up on him, and the friction between our bodies is like static. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears, and a feeling of intense warmth rushes through me. I know that he too wants to take it this far because he's not trying to stop me in the least, but instead enjoying what I'm doing. I move my lips to his jaw, and then to his neck. I'd never given him a hickey before and he tilts his head up to give me more access to the warm flesh. He runs his hands along my sides as I kiss and bite his neck._

_Eventually I pull back and smirk at the small mark. He opens his eyes, probably wondering why I've stopped, and I just look at him. Because Jude Adams Foster is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I want to savor the way he looks at me right now. All passionate and lustful. And then he nods, like he's giving me permission or something. I hadn't known I needed any._

_I run my hand down his chest, staring at the pattern on his t-shirt. Stripes. He loved wearing stripes. White, blue, white, blue, white, blue. I look into his eyes again. A warm chocolate brown color. Much darker than my own eyes. _

_I crawl down slowly, and crouch on the floor. I gently undo the buttons on his jeans. And then I look up at him again. His eyes are slightly wide, but I can tell he wants me to. I pull his pants down, trailing my fingers along his legs, which makes him shiver. Then I slip his underwear down and take him inside my mouth. He closes his eyes and fists his hands into my hair, bucking his hips up. _

_But in the next second, the front door opens. I shoot away from Jude, just like I had at the party when we were about to kiss, and my back hits the coffee table. I look up towards the door to see my parents. Jude quickly pulls his pants up, a dark blush coating his cheeks. My father is so angry. Fuming. His hands clenched in fists._

_"Connor, what the hell are you doing?"_

_I blink, wanting to say something, but not knowing what. What was I supposed to say? _

_My mother looks a little sympathetic and she says, "Jude, honey, I think it's best if I drove you home."_

_Jude looks at my dad then at me. From the look on his face I know leaving me is the last thing he wants to do. _

_"Go." I nod at him, and he reluctantly gets up off the sofa, hurrying out the door with my mother. Leaving me alone to face my father._

_"Dad, it's not what it-"_

_"Not what it looks like?" He mocks me. "It's exactly what it looked like."_

_"Dad, I..." Tears prick at my eyes. "I thought you went out to dinner?"_

_"I forgot my credit card." He stands there, hands still clenched._

_"Dad, please don't." I beg, because I know exactly what will happen before it happens._

_"Don't you understand, Connor? You've left me no choice."_

_I squeeze my eyes shut tight as he starts walking towards me, wanting this all to be over fast._

* * *

So that's why I sit in my bedroom, the door locked, and the chair to my desk under the doorknob just in case. I touch the bruise on my cheek. It throbs. I sob, finally letting out the tears I'd held in for two days. Letting out all of the bent up anger directed at my father. I cry because I'm scared. So scared that he will hit me again.

I wanted a big black hole that I could crawl into and never come out. And that hole was my bedroom. But even I knew I couldn't hide forever. It was Sunday, and I would have to go to school tomorrow. But right now I just sat and I cried. Wondering how things had gotten so bad and wishing my father would forgive me.

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**A/N: Okay, I apologize for this very shitty chapter...Tell me what your favorite chapter is in the reviews. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Haiii, here's Chapter 13! P.S. You guys should all follow me on twitter, my name is betrayingly, I love you! **

Sometimes we block out memories of our life that we want to forget. Something that made us angry or sad. Because not dealing with it is easier than actually dealing with it. I think that is what my father did. I think he completely blocked out the memory of him walking in on me, well, going down on my boyfriend. Because later on Sunday night when I walked out of my bedroom and came face to face with my dad, he acted like Friday night had never happened.

I walked into the kitchen for something to eat, the growling from my stomach becoming unbearable to stand, and he was in there. He turned around and kind of smiled at me.

"Hey, Con. Are you still seeing Chelsea? Do you want to invite her over for dinner one night? I'd like to meet her."

I stopped walking and stood rooted to the spot. I'd told him a few days ago I had asked Chelsea out and she'd said yes. But clearly when he walked in on me and Jude he knew I'd been lying, right? Or, was he trying to pretend he hadn't seen what he saw?

"U-uh..." I stammered.

The way he smiled at me made my insides churn and suddenly, my appetite was long gone.

"From what you've told me she seems like a lovely girl."

"Dad, I...What about what happened on Friday..? What you...what you saw?"

He frowned, tilting his head to the side like he was confused. And maybe he was.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

My eyes widened slightly. My father was a lot of things but he definitely couldn't lie worth shit.

"N-nothing..."

He rinsed out the cup he'd been drinking out of and then started to walk out. He was almost in the living room when he faced me again, stared at me for a second, and said, "That's a nasty bruise, Connor. Did you get in a fight with a kid from school?"

I touched the bruise on my cheek, wanting to yell at him. Yell that he had done that to me. And how could he? How could he do that to his own _son? _But I don't yell at him. I just hesitate for a second, and then tell him, "Yeah, it was some kid from school."

He shook his head at me. "Try not to get into any more fights, okay?"

"Okay, dad. I won't."

Then he walked out. I slumped against the fridge, not knowing whether to feel relieved or terrified. He didn't remember what happened that night, which was good, right? So why did I still feel so..._scared?_

_Because I was afraid he would remember. _

_And then what would he do to me?_

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The next morning Jude is waiting for me in the supply closet. Instead of greeting me with kisses, like he usually does, he looks at me with a face of concern. I know why. I hadn't spoken to him since Friday. He'd called and texted me all weekend, but I hadn't responded. How could I tell him what my father did? And that he couldn't even _remember _what he did.

Then his eyebrows furrow as he sees the bruise on my cheek.

"C-Connor..." He says shakily, reaching a hand out and touching the bruise gently. "D-did your father do _that?" _

I close my eyes and nuzzle into my boyfriend's touch. For a moment, I feel a little peaceful. I try to hold onto the moment for as long as I can, not wanting to answer Jude. If I told him the truth, he would only worry, and I didn't want to worry him. But could I really _lie _to him? Ever since we'd started dating, I'd been completely honest about everything. Was I really going to risk losing his trust entirely?

I place my hand over Jude's and kiss the inside of his palm.

"Connor?" He asks. "Answer me, please babe."

I open my eyes. He's already worried, I can tell. Worried enough. I can't make him even more worried.

So my choice is simple, really. I will lie to him.

"No baby, it wasn't my dad. I got into this stupid fight with Jeremy, okay? It was nothing, I swear."

"Jeremy?" He questions.

"Yeah, I ran into him on Saturday. Started teasing me about being with you."

He frowns. "I'm sorry, Connor. You didn't deserve that." He runs one hand slowly down my arm.

"I know. But I made sure he won't say anything to me again. Or to you."

Truthfully, I hadn't really seen Jeremy around much, and the few times that I had he never said anything to me, just gave me dirty looks. So I wasn't too worried that he would corner me for real. And as far as I knew, it had been the same for Jude.

""That's good."

I lean forward to kiss him but he pulls back before I can. "Not so fast." He says.

"What is it?" But I know what it is. He will ask about my dad. Sure enough, he says, "What happened with your dad, though? Y'know...after I left..."

I hesitate for a moment, like I might tell him the truth. But I don't. I can't. "He was real pissed at first." I lie. "He's still kind of mad, but I think he just needs some time to adjust."

Jude grins. "So you think he might actually accept you?"

"Yeah." I nod.

I feel really bad for lying to him, but it was better than him knowing the truth.

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**A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Updates will continue to be come later they have been coming in the past. I've been having to go to band camp and school will start soon for me, so I won't get to write as much as I used to. Also, after this fanfic and More Than Just Friendship are completed, I will be going back and revising both stories, so they're not as shitty. There's been tons of mistakes I've neglected to make, and things that were just really badly written and I'd rather not leave it that way. Please enjoy Chapter 14!**

Some people say that not telling someone something is the same as lying. But I'd like to disagree. My father didn't remember walking in on me and my boyfriend that night, and he thought I was still dating Chelsea. And I hadn't told him any differently. But I didn't consider that lying, exactly. If he had somehow blocked the memory out of his mind, then that wasn't _my _fault. And how much of an idiot would I be to tell him the truth? It would be total suicide.

Sure, telling the truth is supposed to be all noble and crap, but was it really noble if it would only get myself beat up and have someone who I thought loved me, hate me? And it wasn't like I was ashamed of who I was. There was nothing to be ashamed about at all. Being gay was a trivial fact about myself. It was like how I had brown eyes. It was something I had no control over, something that really didn't matter. And I still couldn't figure out why it mattered so much to my father. But for whatever reason, he was homophobic and probably nothing I could ever do would change that.

So I wasn't lying. I was saving my ass.

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Jude's moms invited me over to dinner on Friday night. I told my dad I was going to Chelsea's. He believed me, of course. Because why wouldn't he? I was his straight son, after all. My mother drove me. Unlike her husband, she hadn't blocked out the memory of that night. She remembered everything perfectly. I couldn't tell if she really felt okay about my lifestyle, but I knew it was something she could learn to accept. She agreed to keep it from my father, and I couldn't be more grateful. It was more than I could ever ask of her.

I might walk into the room, and she might look at me with a slight look of disdain, like she's replaying the memory of me and Jude over and over again in her mind, but she won't say anything. She will respect me. Because that's just the type of person she is. And even though I might hate the way she looks at me sometimes, like her, I can learn to deal with it.

And we had that 'talk'. She told me that I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted, because it wasn't her business, just as long as I was being safe. Let me just say that being told by my mother that if I ever needed her to, she would buy me condoms, was by far the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. Needless to say, the topic hadn't been approached since then.

My mom pulls up in front of the Adams-Foster house. I mumble a quiet "thanks" and I'm about to get out of the car, but she stops me, with my hand on the door handle.

"Connor..." My mother sighs.

I twist around in my seat and look at her. She looks older somehow, with her hand pressed to her forehead, eyes closed. rubbing her head like she's got a headache. The wrinkles in her forehead seemed to bring years upon her, and I half expected to see a few gray strands of hair mixed in with blonde. But even if she did have gray hair at some point, I wouldn't have been able to tell because she dyed her hair regularly.

"Mom, what is it?" I ask hesitantly.

"I know your father doesn't, ah, remember what we, uh, _walked in on," _she says awkwardly, "but I'd rather you not mention it to him, alright?"

"Of course not."

Like I would _ever _mention it to him.

She opens her eyes and stares at me, a forced smile on her face. "Thanks, Con. Have fun tonight."

"Yeah, yeah I will." I nod and open the car door.

The brief conversation wasn't really necessary, but I knew she just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. She had always wanted to look like she had the perfect, All American family. Granted, we were about the farthest thing away from that, but she was good at deceiving people. All I had to do was play along. And anyway, I was pretty good at deceiving people too.

Jude opens the door for me. He brings me in for a kiss, and I press myself tightly against him, my fingers running through his hair. He smiles against my lips but he's quick to pull back.

"C'mon, dinner's ready."

He takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen. The rest of the family is there, and they all greet me like I too, am part of the family. It's one of the greatest feelings I'd ever experienced.

Dinner is amazing. The food's good and everyone talks about their day and what's going on with them. They make jokes and laugh at each other. And I realize, this is a real family. My parents, of course, are my parents, and I'm their biological son, but we're not a real family at all. The Adams-Fosters though, is a real family. They might not all be related by blood, but they love each other unconditionally, accept each other no matter what, would do absolutely anything for each other, no questions asked, and that's what makes a real family.

And I wanted, more than anything, to have a real family.

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**A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated, thanks :)**


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